Big community funding update! How to politely decline people on internet dating sites? May 2, 8: For a little background, I went through a tough divorce in and am finally ready to try dating.
I'm a male in my late 30s and have always had a lot of female friends. I am known for joking around a lot, making people laugh and How to reject a girl on a dating site them. I am realizing more and more how often this gets confused for flirting and has begun to lead to a lot of misunderstandings. I think it's just some need to make people are at ease, to make sure they're having fun. I guess I'm a people pleaser. Anyhow, I don't think my online dating profile is anything great, but I continue to get messages from women who want to chat.
In some cases, they're women I've actually met around town so they already know me and know I can be gregarious. But I feel like a jerk when they say, "I remember you, I thought you were very charming, would you like to get a drink? I'm sensitive to hurting people's feelings and I have no idea how to say, thanks but no thinks in a diplomatic way. Should I bite the bullet and just go on these dates anyway?
I am not one to ignore emails or messages if someone is nice enough to contact me. But I am very sensitive to leading people on. Ladies, is there an acceptable way for a man to tell you, thanks but no thanks, and not think he's a jerk?
Seriously, that's the kindest possible way to turn someone down online. She'll get the hint. You are not the Infinite and Eternal One that she is hanging her hopes of romance and happiness on. I'm not sure exactly what you should do, but it absolutely should not be this. I agree that ignoring the emails is the way to go.
I'm in a similar situation, and the part of me that values kindness and How to reject a girl on a dating site tells me I should respond to the messages I receive.
Logically, though, I've come to realize that when I'm not interested, there's nothing I can say that will feel less bad to the person than ignoring them. Conversely, I'm pretty shy to message someone, and when I do, I'd much rather not hear from them than get some canned "sorry, I'm not interested" or "sorry, you're not my type.
If it's someone you know in person, and you'd like to be friends with them: If they persist, just ignore them. Being direct is not being a jerk. If you are vague, you will be perceived as a jerk if they think you're leading them on. Anyone who's been dating online for any amount of time will recognize a lack of response as the most polite way of indicating a lack of interest.
It's still not actually politeper se, just the least unpleasant way of indicating it. It sucks, and it's a little maddening when you're on the other end of it and waiting for someone to reply, but it's a skill one must cultivate.
There isn't really a way to tell someone you're not attracted to them in a way that will land as softly as you're hoping. The exception is if you're already met them in person. If you want to reject someone that you've met in person, you first dump praise on them "you're a really awesome person, a lot of fun," whatever and then you say that, while they are really cool people, you just didn't feel that in-person chemistry that you're looking for.
Emphasize that this is not a fault on either person's side. They'll feel a little deflated for a half-hour or so and then it's on to the next profile. Yes, ignoring is the polite signal for 'not interested' in online dating culture. The scenario you mentioned is pretty much the exact reason I stopped dating online. Like you, I was getting contacted by men I knew in my town. Unlike you, I also teach in the town where I live so sometimes I'd be getting asked out on dates by men whose kids were my students.
That was really weird. Even though most people in the dating thing know that no response is fine, I never could do that because y'know, I'd see these people in town and at work So I ended up replying by saying thanks for the offer but I just met someone and want to see where it goes. It seemed less harsh than saying I wasn't interested in them in particular, and I think most people understand that you're really just being polite. I disagree that you should do the ignore thing.
You've met them in social situations around town, you're likely to meet them again. I agree with desjardins that "I don't think we're a match, but Also, they have friends. A people pleaser indeed! You do not owe anyone a date. It's important to learn that for your own well-being, sometimes you have to say no, and I agree with others who have said that in this situation the best way to say no is just not to reply.
If you've met them face to face before and want to be friends but not date, then just tell them that. If they want an explanation, feel free to say "I would prefer not to", or simply not reply, as you prefer.
If you don't want to risk burning a bridge with them, you could offer coffee in the daytime, but that's really optional. Yeah, if you've met them in person you can't do the ignore. I like desjardin's advice "I don't think we're a match I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved.
When you haven't met the person, ignore. Even though I don't place huge emotions in whatever happens with online dating, it kind of sucks to see you have a new message, open it and get a no. I usually "How to reject a girl on a dating site" think the person is full of themselves enough to think I'm just hanging on their reply.
I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them. Agreeing that no response is the usual internet dating way to handle this. It's important to remember that e-dating are different than RL values for better or worseand not responding is perfectly OK, even preferred.
That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'. And then do not communicate any further, even when prodded. I'll go against the grain and say it strikes me a guy as polite to send a quick I'll-pass note, 'specially if the person's taken the time to write more than a sentence or two.
If you're concerned about follow-ups, you can send the note and block the people. Goodness, ignoring people is the polite thing nowadays? I much more would rather get a 'thank you, but no thank you' response then being blanked. Unless someone is being a jerk, or being aggressive, not responding just seems like the easy-for-me avoidance solution, not the polite solution. Polite to me way to do it: I am sorry, but I am not interested right now. Either Ambient2 or edgeways notes are fine. Sure they may be bummed, but at least they'll know where they stand and they can move onto someone else.
Random ladies you don't know, I think it's safe to ignore. No wondering if the person got your email, and no awkwardness. A quick response and onto the next person. I agree that "Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match" is the polite way to go.
It's how I'd want to be treated so I used that as my guide. I generally vote for "ignore" in these situations, but I have experience with this sort of situation that makes me feel like you may want to actually say When a person that I knew from around town -- not a friend, acquaintance, or even someone I'd ever actually spoken with, just someone I'd seen around at a few topical events -- found me on OKC, he wrote me a message immediately asking me out on a date.
I ignored it because he was so very much not my type physically that it would be an impossible gap to breach, many of his OKC answers were diametrically opposed to mine including the fact that he wanted kids and I do not, which is dealbreaker territory in your 30s ; besides, we did not actually know each other at all. Ignoring his message felt similar to ignoring those gas station attendants that always ask you for your phone number when you How to reject a girl on a dating site want to buy gas.
A month or so later, I disabled my account because having an exceedingly busy life had utterly superseded any desire to date. A few days later, he found my email address we belong to a local email list that, hatefully, does not use blind carbon copy and sent me an message asking if he was the reason I disabled my OKC account.
At that point, I stopped attending the events I would see him at and never again returned. When I see him now, I avert my eyes. He did not have the courage to ever speak to me in person, ever: Thinking that disabling my OKC account had anything to do with him whatsoever: I should have just said no. I've literally never gotten a "thanks, but no thanks" response onlinebut I definitely have after I've gone on multiple, increasingly awkward dates with people who did not like me at all but were, I guess, trying to be nice?
There's no need to waste everyone's time with that approach. Please do not just go on dates with these women. As a lady who is currently seeking a dude to date, and who is often the initiator in these sorts of situations, I can attest that we are mostly adults who can handle honest rejection so long as it is delivered quickly and with minimal fuss -- truly, it is OK! In fact, I think dudes I like who reject me as a prospective partner right up front are pretty sweet for having the nerve to just rip the band-aid off, and I have gone on to be good How to reject a girl on a dating site with some of them as a result.
The only way these women could possibly think poorly of you is if you are rude in declining their invitations, or if you agree to take them out on dates while already knowing you did not want to be involved with them in any way. The fact that you're not romantically interested in them will have to come out sooner or later, right? You shouldn't try to fake it and ignore your own feelings in hopes that you will be able to spare someone else from discomfort.
Attempting to date someone using a mainstream online dating site This post examines some of the reasons why online rejection happens. Rejection plays a big part in all walks of life and online dating, like every other online dating consultant and writes for How to reject a girl on a dating site industry-leading websites as well. It can be a blow when people reject you online, or simply don't reply. But when women get so many more matches than men on dating sites.
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